Christmastime for the Self by John Erickson

This was initially posted on December 25, 2018

We’ve all been there.

Sitting across the tree watching the youngsters open presents.  Trying to get pleasure from a vacation meal with prolonged and instant household that you could be or could not have traveled hundreds of miles to see.  Attempting with each fiber of your being to not discuss concerning the elephant, or pink hat, within the room.

I get it.  It’s arduous to not go dwelling for the vacations. It’s additionally arduous to sit down at dwelling and watch each one in every of your folks put up on-line about their dinners, get-togethers, and different joyous occasions whilst you sit at dwelling.  I additionally perceive that many people, because of our sexual and/or gender id, or possibly our political desire, don’t really feel comfy going dwelling or, can’t go dwelling.  This isn’t okay and that’s the reason it’s so essential that all of us have our chosen households to be with throughout these instances of communal gathering or extra importantly, methods to manage whereas we’re at dwelling in these uncomfortable conditions to ensure we deal with ourselves and make it out the opposite finish.

As a result of this weblog comes out on Christmas Day, I needed to present you just a few suggestions that I do to self-care in these conditions.  Bear in mind, there isn’t any proper or unsuitable factor to do.  I encourage you all to make your personal checklist.  The one factor that issues is you deal with your self!

John’s Prime 5 Suggestions for Coping with “These” Folks

1. Your automobile is your pal – Significantly, I can’t rely the # of instances that I’ve discovered myself driving round for that further 5 minutes to only acquire my ideas or calm myself down.  If it’s essential to, leap out to your automobile and sit again and calm down for a second or drive to a gasoline station (Kwik Journey in Wisconsin is my go-to) and choose up a soda to drink.
2. Drink (should you can)  – look, I do know not everybody drinks (or is from Wisconsin) however typically you simply must make your self a cocktail (responsibly).  Nonetheless, if you’ll drink, keep in mind that previous adage: unfastened lips sink ships.  Should you get too unfastened, you might say one thing you remorse (or didn’t plan on saying; I’ve been there).
3. Lavatory Sanctuary – Generally you might not want to make use of the restroom however you want a spot to go and simply lock the door, test Fb, name a pal, or just breath.  The toilet is the right place to try this.  Discover it.  Use it (even should you don’t must).
4. Dinner Dialog – Earlier than I am going anyplace, I all the time brush up on just a few information.  How are the Packers doing? How concerning the Milwaukee Bucks?  Are you able to consider they STILL haven’t completed that building?  Irrespective of should you’re touring someplace close to or far, should you assume it’s essential to be sure you can take part in dinner dialog with out mentioning the 2 forbidden subjects (Politics and Faith), then achieve this!
5. 
6. Push Again – Okay, typically it’s okay to interact.  I imply, how are we ever going to get out of this nice divide if we don’t discuss to one another.  Now, that doesn’t imply it is going to go over or there will likely be some kind of magical aha second however it’s okay to say one thing, particularly when your loopy Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Second Cousin/Random Good friend of Cousin who nobody invited begins spouting off some nonsense (like Mexico paying for Trump’s wall as a result of that simply isn’t going to occur).  Should you really feel secure sufficient to push again and say one thing, particularly when somebody if being utterly and completely impolite and inappropriate, all the time be sure you have an exit technique. That’s both a pal you’ll be able to name, a room you’ll be able to go to, or a nap you all of the sudden need to take.  It doesn’t matter what, should you do select to interact all the time keep in mind to a.) Converse calmly and slowly always (Republicans are triggered whenever you yell and supply them with too many information too quick); b.)  Make direct eye contact; c.) Ensure you all the time have one thing to take an extended sip from afterward to show you made your level.

I’ve to confess, I’m fairly fortunate.  I do know I’ve written lots on this web site about what has occurred to my household because the election of the Fascist-in-Chief.  Fortunately for me, I encompass myself throughout these instances with individuals who overtly love me, my views (for essentially the most half), and permit me to be myself, or just, we simply don’t discuss “it” as a result of they clearly know now that we had been proper about Trump and his cronies. I don’t have to make use of the following pointers as a result of the folks they apply to, don’t actually come round our vacation gatherings.

Nonetheless, if there’s one factor that I discovered, it’s that this election has value us every one thing.  Whether or not that was a pal, member of the family, or part of your self that you just by no means assume you’ll be capable to get again, we have to respect these losses and the ache that comes with them.  I promise you that it’s going to get higher (heck, higher begins on January 3, 2019).  We’ve got an extended method to go till 2020 (I imply, a LONG method to go) however I do know we’ll all get there collectively, a method or one other as a result of there are higher Christmas and holidays to return the place we received’t have to make use of the following pointers and tips to outlive anymore.

So, from my household to yours, Merry Christmas and Comfortable Holidays!  I’m grateful for each one in every of you this vacation season (until you voted for Trump).

BIO John Erickson holds a Ph.D. in American Spiritual Historical past in addition to two MA’s from Claremont Graduate College. John served as a commissioner on the California Fee on the Standing of Ladies. He’s President of the Hollywood Chapter for the Nationwide Group for Ladies, a Planning Commissioner for the Metropolis of West Hollywood, President of the Board for the ACLU of Southern California, the Legislative Motion Chair for Stonewall Democratic Membership, and a board member for the Nationwide Group for Ladies.